


BrigadeBound

by haphephobicHandshakes



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Not Good, cause its not good, done for a school project, probs gonna fail
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-06 21:44:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10345182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haphephobicHandshakes/pseuds/haphephobicHandshakes
Summary: its a badly written homestuck fan ficand mr p if you see this im just uploading it for a friend to see so no its not plagiarism





	

BrigadeBound  
Today is the 2nd of November in the year 2020. The current time is 11:56 Am. At this time somewhere in northern Wisconsin a young man is sits in the center of his bedroom holding at a small box wrapped in blue paper.This package just came in the mail a few moments ago. The boy is about 6’ tall, has dark brown hair, blue eyes, and a pair of square glasses. There is a label on top of the box reads, “TO: Dave FROM: Chrono.” After carefully inspecting the box in it’s entirety the boy finds the area where the wrapping overlaps and he begins to claw away at the gift. Inside is a pair of cd cases with green circles on them labeled “SBURB: Client” and “SBURB: Server” along with a note that reads, “Happy birthday Dave! I hope you’re ready to play by the time everyone else gets their copy.”  
As was previously mentioned you name is Dave and your interests include making memes, talking to your friends about stuff that's overly serious, and collecting bottles and boxes. And you’ve had just about enough of this floor sitting noise. So you get up and head over to your computer desk drop the game disks on top of your pc for later use. Then you go ahead and kick the box over towards your closet. It was rather nice of Jordan to send you the new SBURB game. It has gotten pretty good reviews from a ton critics so far. Which either means that it is a solid game or the people who write game reviews getting bribed. Both options seem quite plausible if you’re being honest. But no matter what there is always one review you can always trust and that would be the reviews put out by your favorite gaming magazine, “Game Bro.” In this month’s issue Game Bro himself reviewed SBURB and said that it changed the way he looked at life itself. Then he went got real deep and starting talking about the “plight of man” or some weird thing like that. Based off of what you know about Gamebro you would have to say that if he likes a game then you probably should as well.  
After you finish pondering the depths of Gamebro’s coolness you boot up your computer and open up your custom chat client “pesterchum”. It’s pretty much a watered down version of the AOL chat client but with worse graphics. The only good thing about this program is that due to the poor coding it is nearly impossible to hack conversations. You notice that one of your chums is online. You click on their name and start chatting.

\---dabeMemes(DM) has started pestering wakeArisato(WA)---

DM: yo what up wheat thin?  
WA: Hello Dave this is Wyatt. Please stop mistaking me for a square cracker.  
DM: never and also do you know what day it is?  
WA: Um, November 2nd?  
DM: yes but no  
DM: what day is november 2nd? >B]  
WA: Umm a sunday I think.  
DM: what holiday is it you dip >B[  
WA: In Mexico I believe they celebrate the day of the devil today.  
WA: I thought you lived in Wisconsin though?  
DM; i’ll let you try this one more time  
DM: what real holiday is it???  
WA: Our anniversary? I really don’t know where you’re going with this.  
DM: we’re not even married so no and how can you not know when my b-day is? >B[  
WA: Oh happy birthday.  
DM: there we go  
DM: now shower me in affection  
WA: I’m not going to do that.  
WA: I’ll send you something over steam later.  
DM: it was worth a shot  
WA: And what a shot it was. Short and to the point.  
WA: I’m guessing Chrono sent you a copy of SBURB as well.  
DM: yeah why did you get one too?  
DM: we should play it together >B]  
WA: Yeah we can do that, but let’s wait for the others to get on so they can join us.  
DM: alright  
DM: i’ll make sure everyone is ready to play asap  
WA: I have to go for a bit there's a ton of noise going on outside.  
DM: alright good luck with that  
WA: like a lot of noise holy snap.  
DM: don’t get eaten a shark or something  
WA: First off sharks don’t come near the shore and second they won’t make any noise if they do.  
WA: I’ll be back

\---wakeArisato(WA) has stopped pestering dabeMemes(DM)---

A mysterious and cool stranger stands on the patio out behind his house. The mysterious and cool stranger’s name is Dickodah and his interests include playing video games, studying astronomy, and making sick nasty beats. Right now he is watching a meteor shower through his trusty telescope. And while giant rocks from outer space crashing into earth is precisely his cup of astrological tea. The tea started tasting like trash after the 100th cup in the last half hour. Now his bladder is about to burst with the sheer amount of logical fallacy soup splashing around in there. This stupid stew consists of the astrological anomaly that this meteor storm presents. To put in simply why the hell does it look like the earth is face planting into the planetary belts surrounding Jupiter?  
As was mentioned a second ago your name is Dackodah and the only conclusion you have come to so far is that shenanigans are in play. And you fully intend to find the cause of and put an end to said shenanigans. While also managing to deal with your friends and their constant nagging for you to play some new video game with them. An interesting observation you have made is that most of the meteors seem to be fresh or rather more intact than they have any right being. And while the atmosphere burns the majority of meteors that try go through it. It is only a matter of time before a bigger one comes by, breaks through, and start causing some serious damage.  
After writing down a few more observations on the meteor storm you head back and get on your computer to check pesterchum for new messages. It seems your friend Wake was trying to talk to you a little while ago.

\---wakeArisato(WA) has started pestering obsessiveMixer(OM)

WA: Hey OM.  
WA: Dave got a copy of that new game people are talking about.  
WA: I was wondering if you got one as well?  
WA: Just asking because Chrono probably has one, and we could all play it together later.  
WA: Hello?  
WA: Are you even there?  
WA: If you are there give me a couple minutes happened outside.  
WA: BRB  
OM: Hey i’m Back  
OM: SOrry FOr Missing yOur Messages  
OM: Are yOu Back Yet?  
OM: I’ll just wait until yOu get back  
OM: Nevermind i think One Of the MeteOrs just landed Outside My hOuse  
OM: I’ll bring My phOne with Me just in case yOu return

\---obsessiveMixer(OM) has stopped pestering wakeArisato(WA)---

Somewhere along the coast of California is a small surfer town. A few miles away from the surfer town is a small shoreside house. Inside that house is a kid who just got done chatting with some of his internet friends. This kid’s name is Wyatt or as his friends know him Wake Arisato. His interests include playing battle simulators suchs at Civilization and Dark Souls which conturary to popular belief are not video games but high quality war simulations. He also enjoys watching low budget b-list horror movies. Some of his favorite titles include “The Stuff”, “Zombeaver”, and “The ABC’s of Death”. The best part of a film without a large budget is seeing the director come up with ways to compensate for the lack of funds.  
A couple minutes ago you were talking to your friend Dave about a new game that just came out and how you wanted play it together with all your friends. At first you didn’t really like the idea of SBURB mostly because all you heard about it was that it involved a ton of building, but you might have to defend your buildings from attackers so you’re willing to give it a shot. On a possibly more important note you start to head outside to check on whatever made that loud noise a few moments ago. As you open your front door a subtle, “fuck” escapes your lips. About 12 feet from your front door is a giant hell meatball. You have no idea what the hell this thing is doing here and it doesn’t seem to be causing too much trouble, but trouble sure does seem to be the thing it brought. Looking up and down the beach you almost mistake it for a scene straight out of a hallmark special called “Charlie saves the bingo hall” in this amazing story a young man single handedly save his grandmother's favorite bing joint by curing the host’s parkinson's disorder using his phd in science. It’s a very touching story of a young man helping old ladies keep their bingo ball off the floor. And the pun “I1” is used exactly four times throughout the film. Once at the beginning when Charlie doesn’t understand how to play bingo, twice in the middle of the film where an old man misreads a square two times in a row, and once at the end as a witty comeback when Charlie beats the evil wall street banker who wants to buy their bingo house in a one on one match of sudden death bingo. Tears and applause insue.  
You snap back to reality and leave behind the whimsical land of extended metaphors and nonsense. Quickly before dumb ideas can flood your head you whip out your phone and dial 911 for the first and maybe the last time in your life if more of these hell meatballs show up. The phone just keeps ringing and after a full minute of beeping the other side of the line tells you that everyone is busy at the moment. You head back inside trying your best to remain calm. This can’t possibly be real right? Yeah you’re fine just sit back relax and turn on some silly cartoons that will cheer you up. The TV blinks to life and CNN comes on displaying a national emergency alert. Yeah that sure does answer your previous question regarding the reality of your current situation. And you don’t think you have any spare cuils to save yourself. In the distance you hear your computer going wild. Your friend Dickodah has been spam inviting you to a group chat. Might as well spend some of you last moments talking to your friends.

Meanwhile behind one of the other computer screens connected to the chat room, but a few moments before that happens, is the fourth and final character in our story. Your name is Jordan but your friends just call him Chrono. You ended up with this nickname because Chrono is the latin word for time, and you seem to understand that pretty well. Your interests include reading romance mangas, playing retro video games like Chrono Trigger, and listening to awesome music from some of the greatest bands ever Panic at the Disco and Fall Out Boy.  
Right now you’re staring out the window looking at the ocean of trees behind your home. There seems to be a little bit of smoke coming from the center of the forest. Maybe someone is having a camp fire over there. And by a little smoke you mean enough smoke to almost blot out the entire forest. And by campfire you mean forest fire that poses a threat to your life if it continues growing. Point is things aren’t looking all that great at the moment. You walk over to your pc and look at the three programs on your desktop SBURB: Client, SBURB Server, and Pesterchum. You managed to get a copy of the game early because of your uncle who works for the company that produced it. He came over to your house a few days ago and dropped off the two disks needed to play the game. He also gave you a guidebook that will get your through the tutorial of the game. Because apparently the tutorial stage doesn’t explain anything. So far you haven’t talked to any of your chums today because you’ve been busy getting set up for what might be the biggest video game binge of your life. After a little more preparation for the gameathon you hop and your computer and find an invite to a chat room.

\---obsessiveMixer(OM) has started a group chat with wakeArisato(WA), dabeMemes(DM), and chronoTriggered(CT)---

OM: Ok i’m gOing to wait a Minute sO everyOne can get in here.  
WA: Hello friend. Is this about what I think it’s about?  
DM: no he just wanted to ask you how you day was and talk to you about the pretty flowers  
he saw outside today *rolls eye*  
WA: Oh I thought it would be about the whole raining fire thing.  
OM: It is abOut the raining fire thing. He was Making a jOke yOu dip.  
WA: Oh.  
OM: Hey chrOnO are yOu here yet?  
CH: Y34H 1 JU5T J01N3D  
OM: TO put it siMply I gathered yOu guys here because things are gOing dOwn  
CH: 4ND N0W W3 H4V3 T0 P14Y TH3 G4M3 T0 SURV1V3  
OM: Yeah that tOO  
OM: HOw did yOu knOw that already?  
DM: you’re uncle works for nintendo doesn’t he?  
WA: But Nintendo didn’t make Sburb. Skaia Tech did.  
DM has changed their name to every joke ever  
EJE: *flys over WA’s head*  
EJE has changed their name to dabeMemes  
CH: 0H SN4P S0M30N3 G3T S0M3 W4T3R F0R TH4T S1CK BURN  
CH: 4ND Y3S MY UNC13 D03S W0RK F0R SK414 T3CH  
OM: Well that cOuld be pretty helpful having a cOnnectiOn tO the peOple whO Made the gaMe  
OM: Did he give yOu any tips Or sOMething like that?  
CH: N0P3 JUST TH3 2 D1SKS 4ND TH3 G4M3 M4NU4L  
DM: what my copy didn’t come with a manual >B[  
WA: Neither did mine.  
OM: Alright guys keep in Mind things are still gOing dOwn sO let's try and speed this up.  
DM: yeah crack open that book and let's get started  
CH: 4LR1GHTY 1T S4YS TH4T W3 H4V3 T0 M4K3 4 C0NN3CT10N CHAIN W1TH TH3  
F1RST H0ST B31NG TH3 L4ST CL13NT  
CH: S0 WH0 W4NTS TO B3 TH3 F1RST H0ST?  
WA: I’ll do it. I’m not at that much of a risk right now.  
CH: 4ND WH0 W4NTS T0 B3 TH3 F1RST CL13NT?  
DM: me it's me i want to be the first client oh please dr. cure me of my rare going to die soon  
disorder  
CH: 4LR1GHT D4V3 Y0U C4N B3 TH3 F1RST CL13NT.  
CH: TH3N Y0U W1LL H0ST F0R D1CK, D1CK W1LL H0ST F0R M3, 4ND L4STLY 1  
W1LL H0ST F0R WY4TT  
CH: 1S 3V3RY0N3 0K W1TH TH1S?  
DM: yeah as long as i get in first were good  
OM: I dOn’t care let’s just gO  
WA: I’m with OM we really need to hurry up.  
CH: C00L GR34T L3TS G3T ST4RT3D TH3N  
CH: M4K3 SUR3 Y0UR R00M 1S CL34N W3 N33D 4L0T 0F SP4C3  
DM: can i use a different room mine is kinda small and messy  
CH: Y34H SUR3 N0W 3V3RY0N3 N33DS T0 RUN B0TH TH3 CL13NT 4ND S3RV3R  
PR0GR4MS  
CH: TH3N Y0U N33D T0 G3T Y0UR CL13NTS 1P 4DDR3SS  
WA: Mine is 881.60.60.701  
DM: how do i find mine  
OM: I’M at 963.16.52.452  
CH: JUST G00GL3 1T  
CH: 516.62.27.945  
DM: oh found it 601.14.57.572  
CH: C00L N0W WH1L3 W3 W41T F0R TH1S T0 L04D G0 F1ND S0M3TH1NG Y0U C4N  
W34P0N1ZE  
DM: i can smash a booze bottle from my parents alcohol cabinet >B]  
OM: WOw that’s pretty intense all i have is a curtain rOd  
CH: 1F Y0U R34LLY TH1NK Y0U C4N US3 4 BR0K3N B0TTL3 T0 F1GHT TH3N B3 MY  
GU3ST  
WA: I’ll just grab a kitchen knife.  
CH: 4LR1GHT W3 SH0ULD B3 G00D T0 G0  
CH: 3V3RYB0DY G0 1NT0 Y0UR H0ST W1ND0W 4ND CL1CK 0N TH3 D3PL0Y 0PTION  
CH: TH3N PL4C3 TH3 4 4V41L1BL3 0BJ3CTS  
DM: wake can you place everything downstair  
WA: I sure can. :)  
DM: it all going to be at the bottom of my staircase isn’t it?  
WA: Yeah something like that.  
CH: 1T D03SN’T M4TT3R W3 C4N M0V3 TH1NGS 4R0UND L4T3R  
CH: WH3N 1 S4Y G0 H34D T0 TH3 “CRUXTRUD3R” 4ND P0P TH3 L1D 0FF  
OM: Which One is that?  
WA: It’s the one with the long shaft. It looks like someone put a smokestack on a pizza box.  
DM: >B]  
CH: TH3N 4FT3R TH3 T0P C0M3S 0FF 4 D0WEL W1LL P0P OUT  
DM: > B]  
CH: T4K3 TH3 DOW3L T0 TH3 T0T4M L4TH3  
CH: TH4T M4CH1N3 L00KS L1K3 4 G14NT S0W1NG M4CH1NE  
DM: >B[  
CH: L4STLY T4K3 TH3 C4RV3D D0W3L T0 TH3 “4LCH3M1T3R”  
CH: TH1S 0N3 L00KS L1K3 4N0TH3R P1ZZ4 B0X BUT 1T H4S 4 R0B0T1C 4RM 4ND 4  
PL4TF0RM T0 PUT TH3 D0W3L 0N  
CH: 4FT3R 1T CR34T3S 4N 0BJ3CT R3P0RT B4CK 3V3RY0N3 G0T 4LL TH4T  
WA: Yes sir i’ll be back soon.  
OM: SaMe  
CH: D4V3 D0 Y0U KN0W WH4T Y0UR D01NG?  
DM: yeah i got it >B[

You (Crono) get up from your computer and run over to the first machine. You try to pull the lid off only to find that it is firmly stuck. You run out to your garage quickly and grab a crowbar and a hammer. You run back up to your room and jam one side of the crowbar in a small crack under the lid and smash the other side with your hammer. The lid pops off and the powers of torque claim yet another victory. Along with a green crystal dowel a green ball of light flies out. This certainly was not in the guidebook. But it’s just sort of floating there so you shouldn’t have any problems. You take the dowel over the the totem lathe and shove it in. Nothing happens for a few seconds and then a small red card floats over to the machine and gets sucked in. The dowel starts losing mass quicker than a baby loses food he doesn’t want. After about three seconds of carving the machine comes to a stop and the freshly carved dowel pops out. You quickly rush it over the the alchemiter and place it on the stand. While it’s doing it’s business you rush back to your computer and ask about the card that appeared.

CH: H3Y OM WH4T W4S TH4T C4RD Y0U G4V3 M3?  
OM: YOu need that fOr the tOtem l4th3 to wOrk sO deplOy it

You tab into the host window and look in the deploy menu and there it is. You quickly drag it over to Wyatt’s totem lathe. As you plug it into the machine he presents you with the gift of his center most finger. Once your done with that you rush back over to the alchemiter and grab a newly made statue of a bird. Once everyone else has their objects you will be able to enter the game.

CH: 0K 1’M R34DY MY 1T3M 1S 4 B1RD 0R S0M3 SH1RT  
WA: I got a turtle for my thing.  
OM: Mine is a lOg…  
DM: frog on unicycle what do i do with it  
CH: 0K S0 Y0U N33D TO SM4SH 1T  
CH: TH3N Y0U W1LL B3 S3NT 1NT0 TH3 G4M3  
DM: do i have to play can i just keep the from i mean he's my boi i can't betray him  
WA: Sure you can stay back and hangout with your frog. Your last moments will be spent  
cuddling a fucking frog.  
DM: he will be missed  
OM: Alright everyOne gO wreck yOur shit

Somewhere a few miles away a man in a white suit looks out his window. This man is not just a man but a space man on the international space station. He hasn’t had contact with ground control for the last three hours due to certain apocalyptic circumstances. He and the rest of the crew have been watching their planet get destroyed.  
“What do we do now?” says a burly russian man on the verge of crying.  
“I don’t know friend, but whatever happen I want you to know I always loved you.” a frenchman replies.  
“Here is the plan of attack gentlepeople. Earth gets destroyed by meteors, and once they stop falling we run back and forth on our ship and push it back to earth and reclaim the surface as our own new nation.” the american says.  
“While going back after the meteors stop falling does sound like the best thing to do. We will have to find a different way to get back, and you will have to learn how space works.” says the german woman who just so happens to be the current commanding space officer.  
The crew continues to watch as meteors collide with their home. Some land without making a difference while others explode into big balls of light. Those are probably just hitting some sort of energy plant and are totally not people playing a reality bending game that teleports them to another dimension.


End file.
